The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
