so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
