just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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