they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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