why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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