It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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