my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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