I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
