Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
