Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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