She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
