I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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