you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
