and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My balls are so social today.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
