theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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