Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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