i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
