too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
