just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
