Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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