So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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