Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
