Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
