The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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