Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
