Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
