Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
