So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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