You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
