So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
