why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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