In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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