batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
