I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
