There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
