flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
