If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
