party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
