No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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