My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There r osticjed everywhere
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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