Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
