Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
