i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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