Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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