miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
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DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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