"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
