Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
