Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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