I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
