do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
