Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
