I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
