Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
