I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
