D3 body, D1 cock
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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