I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
