i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
