So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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