dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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