Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
