I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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