i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
