dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
