I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
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It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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