im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
