i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
